Bringing them up!

My whatsapp friends' group chats recently, are regarding - how our kids behave these days! We have been discussing this alot. Our kids these days have more than everything they need to have. They can have all the cake by themselves, they can have much more candies than their little hands can hold, they have toys overflowing from their cupboards, they have limitless exposure to 'n' number of things which may be beyond their age to understand or sustain to.
Having said this - how do we bring them up? how do we guide them? how do we make them understand the worth of everything? These are the major problems every parent faces today.
I am not an 'authority enough' to give hundred percent solution to all this. But I would like to share my experiences.

My friends and me have kids of somewhat same age. The older ones are in their adolescent phase. They need a guide, a friend to talk to. Discuss their problems. Speak their minds out.
While some kids are open enough, some of them are shy, introverts or not comfortable sharing their thoughts. As parents what we can do is to gain their trust and give them time to open up. Keep supervising them - not disturbing their privacy. Donot nag. Donot pressurise them with your dreams.

At times, no doubt, it is difficult to control your anger. And the outburst is natural. They should know that you are the boss. That they have to listen to you when it comes to certain things. But when both of you cool down, its equally important to have a casual talk with kids as to what went wrong.

We cannot always be friends with kids. We are parents and we should be that - thats what I feel.
The authority and right we have as parents has to be used when needed (Avoid overuse or misuse though!). Kids do have their gang of friends - their comfort zones. They can share their problems with their peers. But we should have a transparent relationship with them too. Answering their questions properly without ignoring or stating false facts is also important.

My younger kid is still in primary years of school. But as a younger brother to 'soon-to-be-teenager', he wants to do all that his 'big b' does. He wants to be as big as his brother as soon as possible. He doesnt understand that he hasnt developed the skillset or strength or comprehension, yet. But still he wants to imitate his brother. Now dealing with such kids is yet another challenge. If we scold, they think why me? How can my brother get through and I am being blamed.
What I do here is - sit down with him and make him understand his limitations. Talk to him lovingly and sometimes sugar-coated. Thats how he would get to know. Shouting at times, makes things worse and is waste of our energy ( My first hand experience!).

We as parents have to have alot of patience. Our day is tiring and the sibling fights and high decibel voices add up to that. At the end of the day we are totally exhausted. It surely takes a toll on us. But as a mother and father - together - we have to deal with this. There has to be a co-ordination between us too so that as a team, we can go through the journey.

Nowadays we also have a third person to our rescue ( Yes! we have friends to discuss with - but a certified/qualified one-) - The Child Psychologist. Its no more a taboo to visit them. I have sought their help myself. These psychologists, counsellors help us out by pin-pointing the exact problem and working out sure-shot solutions for them - together with us.

We all strive hard to give our kids the best of everything. We always want them to prosper, to be happy, to be successful. We surely have pure intentions in doing so. But the generation gap will always be there. We have to overcome it and reach out to the kids.
Instead of giving them so many options for doing things - we should let them know that they have only this much available and they have to stick to it. We have to make them realise that they cannot live for ' today' only - that they have to think about the future. I read somewhere that you could also eat 30% of their ice-cream as a tax, so that they know its going to happen to everything they earn in near furute. Actually do such things to make them think practically.
Let them know -the grades, the ranks in school wont matter but 10-15 years down the line - the people around you, your behaviour, your attitude, your approach to things and more so - you as a human being - will matter.
So Happy parenting!

"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do." - Matt Walsh.


                                                                                                               JUI.