Sorry beta!

 Dear first born,


I want you to be in pink of health, always.


However, I would start with an apology. Sorry beta!

Did I make you grow up sooner? Did you unknowingly become a substitute mom? I know you have this love- hate relationship with your younger brother. But in my absence, somehow, I feel relaxed when he is with you. Did I force you to be matured early?


You were the only child till 4.5 years of your age and suddenly you had to share everything, starting with your mom and dad. I still remember how your face had drooped when you first visited us, your younger brother and me, in the hospital.

I knew that you weren't quite delighted to see him in my arms. You were happy to have a sibling to play with, but you were nonplussed. I had prepared you for this, yet, when you experienced it firsthand, it wasn't easy for you to handle.


Later on, you adjusted, adapted, and reconciled with the scenario. You were always eager to help me in taking care of chhotu. You volunteered to feed him, help with the nappy change, hand me the diapers, bathe him, put on his clothes, and all that, you were excited to assist.


You were auxiliary to me when it came to taking his care and one fine day, obliviously, you sort of turned into mini-me. I, inadvertently, took you for granted.

"I'm going out, please look after your brother", I would just casually say. And you would do the needful.


You enjoyed being an elder brother, sometimes authoritative and sometimes loving, but I guess, I had burdened your juvenile shoulders with an amplified responsibility.


I still remember when I first held you in my arms. This tiny little baby of mine has now outgrown me in height. I cannot hold you in my arms like before nor do you contain in my lap now. But this special place that you hold in my heart is irreplaceable.

Today, I would like to thank you dear beta for coming into my life. For bestowing me, primarily, with this honor of being a mom. For being there, wiping my tears, and emotionally connecting with me. I don't always have to be elaborate about my feelings, you catch hold of what I'm trying to say, even just by my gestures.


I sometimes wonder, how you make your sibling listen to you so effortlessly. I shout, I nag, & I threaten, but it's pointless. And you make it happen, it's like a cup of tea for you. I marvel at such times, are you more mature than me? Your younger brother, many times, double-checks things with you, even after my confirmation of them. He trusts you, loves you, and relies on you.


There are privileges of being the elder one though. You get to boss over him. You always got new toys but your brother used the handovers. You spent a lot of time with me alone. We enjoyed bike rides, park ventures, and ice cream dates. But after your brother came, he had to share me with you about all such incidents.


Nonetheless,  you've been my pride and will always be. When the younger one says that I love you more, you sneakily smile. I can't love a son more than the other. I would be there for both of you always and equally.

I know there's pressure on you, being a role model that the other follows. As much as he follows dad, he observes you and ensures the same. I don't want to push you into being an ideal brother, always doing things right, being accurate and proper all the time (which in many terms you already are). I just want both of you to be good human beings.


I hope I've been a good mother. I hope I have lived up to your expectations. Even if there's a gap, we both will surely strive to do our best, right? High-five!


Lots of love,

Mumma.


PC: istock


AUTHOR'S NOTE: 'Ain't nothing so precious as the first born child' ~ Kershaw Sammy.

If you like my blog hit the heart button ♥️, there's a comment box for suggestions and comments, for more, keep following!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Diary 2024

Moira : Bound to happen! Chapter - 1.

What's your plan?