Gussa tera vallah vallah!....(Concealing)

 "Girls shouldn't be short tempered", my dadi used to say. Don't get me wrong, dadi wasn't conservative at all. She was a very modern woman for her era. She played tennis dresed up in a saari. She stopped so many shallow traditions that would've been a legacy of our family, if not for her.

Well, coming back to the topic. I was a short tempered girl, yes I was, I admit.

Dadi said that a woman is the one, who can protect her relations. Women are more emotional at the same time practical. So holding your anger for loved ones is the best thing to do.

And I am on the same page with her, short temper is futile. I knew it, yet when something triggered me, I would object, but that objection was a projection of my pique and the aggressiveness would be at peak. Increase in decibels, compressed eyebrows, nose bridge along with the nose raised...exactly! Just the way you imagined.

Anger management techniques were peppered on me. "Count till ten, if the rage doesn't drop, keep counting till it does", mommy dear's suggestion. Well, it worked many a times. But the trigger points were what, it depended on. "Breathe in and out, several times, ponder and then speak", was another one. This worked too, but again, few occasions were exceptions.

Now that I fell in love, I had to conceal my weakness. "He mustn't know about my temper", was my game plan. So I had to go hammer and tongs, to play.

I smiled more than often, to camouflage my temper. I counted till 50...actually no, till 100. I breathed, pondered, etc, etc.

Being angry is one thing and jutting it is another. To show you are calm when your insides are boiling, is like skating on thin ice, if you fumble the ice breaks and we all know what happens next. I didn't want to reveal my anger in front of him.

Ergo, the idol of serenity that I was, I myself couldn't believe it. He is this, one composed human being and me a temperamental one. I know, you all will say, opposites attract and all that. But concealing an attribute of you, which is so obvious, yet managing to obscure, one hell of a job!

I definitely concealed it, immaculately enough, I know, because....we are married now.

After years of marriage, it's a different story. Living together, 24/7 reveals so much more than you hope it wouldn't. Concealing your true self is not possible hither. My anger has unveiled itself,  gradually. But I am glad, he has pacified my temper, so much so, that I literally can feel my placid side, which, for so many years was concealed, I don't know where?

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