Holding Grace, Letting Go!

 "Don't burn the bridges", he keeps saying. 

"Yes, Mr. Hubby, I understand where this is coming from. But what about mental peace?", I argue.

If I place 'me' before others, am I wrong? 

A bridge connects people but if the people are not interested in connecting, then why keep the bridge? Forgiving someone doesn't mean giving access to them again. Nor does healing requires reconnection. Without trust, reconciliation is just a performance. Let them misunderstand. Not every accusation deserves your energy. 

Sometimes peace is found in letting people have their opinions - Unknown. 

I used to think, kindness was agreeing. Even when I wasn't keen, I would say yes, to not escalate the situation. My silence overtook my speech, and I carried their storms in my heart. Somewhere down the line, I started realising that to make others comfortable I was sacrificing my peace. Can't I guard my peace and still have a soft heart? Thus, it dawned upon me that kindness and self-respect can co-exist. 

We need to push out the guilt from our minds while setting boundaries -even at the cost of being perceived as rude. A yes born for pleasing people, cannotbe kindness, it'sself betrayal. Compliance cannot be confused with care. If, at the end of the day you are left emotionally drained, what's the use of going out of the way to be submissive.

They say, "You cannot light others if your own wick is burnt out".

Always being available when your time isn't valued, the burnout -mental and physical, and then slowly losing yourself in the process. Where's peace in this? And if this is kindness then when would you be kind to yourself? 

Okay, fine! Let's not burn the bridges but then let's at least set certain parameters. There should be a clarity. We are not rejecting people, we are not shutting them out. It's like having walls with doors. We are just letting them know, "Boss, this is not acceptable anymore!". This teaches people how to treat us. That we don't like certain way of behaviour, and we won't accept if it's forced upon us. Such limits, when conveyed properly, in advance, would definitely preserve relationships rather than destroy them. 

It's fine if people don't understand you. Why should there be lengthy explanations every time we need to say no? There is no need to engage in every argument. We can just say "You win" and walk out from the scene. Accepting defeat for the sake of your peace is anytime better. And that doesn't mean you are wrong or you are less. It means that you are matured enough to know where to spend your energy and where to conserve it.

 Peace enters the room the moment we stop trying to have the last word.

Sometimes, you just need to listen and let go. No need to absorb all the negativity that others have to offer. Hear but don't process. Listen but don't take it to heart. Lend a hand when you genuinely can, but don't be responsible for everyone's happiness. Being compassionate and being accountable are two different things. It's a choice and not an obligation. 

We tolerate disrespect and then people take us for granted. But we need to stand our ground,  if we wish to be respected. Self-worth builds respect.

Yes, I don't want to burn bridges. I know it takes a lot of time and energy to form relationships. We need to pour our hearts out. We need to water the seeds and nurture endlessly to keep them intact. But when the nurture, the care becomes solely your responsibility, you need to stop and think. Just like the schools have regular assessments, we need to keep testing, if both parties have invested interests equally. If one is lacking and the other keeps caring, then the definition of relationship changes. The moment you spread yourself too thin, some relationships begin to change. People who were capitalising from your open-door policy, may not like your new limits. But don't conclude that you are doing something wrong. You are actually honouring yourself now. The kindness should include you too.

Kindness without losing yourself is very important. 

I now prefer to walk away from unnecessary drama. These days they speak of toxicity, how people can be manipulative, how they can be caustic, sarcastic while hurting your self-esteem. Limiting access to such species, if you spot them, is favourable to your growth. Pruning and weeding are most important for a garden to blossom. 

"Access to my time is not everyone's right", I paid a price to get this clarity. Being kind meant giving chances, staying on standby, no matter what the other person did. In fact, kindness should never require us to sacrifice our well-being. Tolerating ill behaviour doesn't mean you are kind. It just makes the other person take advantage of you. People don't announce that they are toxic, loudly. They come across as constant complainers, sometimes they constantly critic you, manipulate you or just leave you drained after every interaction. They constantly erode your energy, that same energy could be spent on healthier relationships otherwise. 

At such times, keeping a healthy distance is a safer option. Reducing those interactions that leave you exhausted is better. Refusing to be a sounding board for problems that you can't solve, is preferrable. You don't need to and can't, change people. Instead, just change your response to them. Don't need absorb their chaos, to disrupt your mental and emotional balance. Bless and step back.

Inner calm comes from both subtraction and intentional addition. Having boundaries could create space for healthier conversations. I want to invest more time in people who uplift, respect and value mutual growth. I want to read books instead, that inspire. I will indulge in more creative pursuits. I will write more with positivity filled mindset. I will have more meaningful friendships. 

If my choice disappoints certain people, I don't need to feel sorry for that. Who gets a seat at my table is for me to decide. 

"Protecting your peace sometimes means loving people from a distance" - Unknown.

Focus over fences —this isn't about walls, it's about priorities. Commitment isn't self sacrifice. Don't lose you while trying to be good to them. We don't have to numb our emotions to learn to choose peace. We need to be ourselves. 

We crave tge image of being supportive, agreeable and empathetic. Trying to avoid difficult conversations, softening my opinions and putting others before me, is what I did too. But I cannot be an after thought in my own story. Not everyone is going to agree with my choices and I accept that now. Respect over approval, every time.

If it doesn't fit you, don't  wear it. We need to upgrade our versions too. The sacrificing one, the people pleasing one, the person who carries other's problems as if your own -we need to fix it.

Kindness and boundaries ain't antonymns. The more I honour me, the more I can truly honour you. I'm not dismissive, I'm not impolite, I still choose kindness. Yet, I also chose myself.  Holding grace doesn't always mean carrying every burden. I'm learning to hold grace in my heart while letting go of what no longer serves my peace. 

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